How to Support Your Teenager During Exam Season: Tips for Parents

“It’s crunch time” were the famous words of my headteacher. As I recall, every assembly from January until May meant a guarantee of hearing those words. The headteacher was of course talking about our upcoming exams. The inference I took from this ongoing message, backed up by other teachers, was that these exams were going to be the most important thing I ever did in life - the thing that would make or break me and decide whether I was a success or failure. 

Three decades later, I hear that same pressure-filled narrative being fed to my daughter. But I believe that we can support our children in their exams while also helping them to see the bigger picture and keep things in perspective.

How to Support Your Teenager During Exam Season While Protecting Mental Health

Teenagers already have so much to navigate while trying to protect their mental health. In this post I will share tips for parents on how to support exam preparation with a focus on prioritising mental health.

Exams are important. They are a gateway to further education and employment. But they are by no means the only gateway. Furthermore, as I go through life I’m realising that society has changed and university and even employment are not necessarily sought after by every teenager. I’m a great believer that we only have one chance at life and as much of that life as possible should be spent in ways that makes us feel content with and fulfilled by our life choices.

What the Teachers Say

In the February break of my daughter’s fourth year in high school, three months before exams started, I was shocked to hear that one of her teachers had voiced their disapproval at my daughter going away for a few days during the break. As far as this teacher was concerned, the break was for studying. This rankled me: my daughter was a hard worker and I felt she deserved time to enjoy life during school holidays. This messaging became even more prominent as we headed towards the Easter holidays where pupils were expected to attend study sessions and dedicate the fortnight to revision.

I wanted to share this messaging from schools because, before really considering how we can support our teenagers through exam season, I think we need to be aware of the immense pressure they are already under from external sources. In fact, Dr. Pooky Knightsmith, a well-known mental health educator, notes that “academic pressure can significantly impact students’ mental health, leading to anxiety, sleep disruption, and burnout.” 

So that, my fellow parents, leads me to my first tip:

Avoid Adding To The Pressure  

In my experience, your child would have had to have spent the last few months of school with their airpods on full volume to drown out constant reminders and warnings from teachers about how much studying they should be doing and how important exams are. I get it - the teachers themselves are also under pressure from school management who are in turn under pressure from the local authority and government. For all involved - exams equal pressure.

Don’t forget that there will also be unspoken pressures. Our kids will be well aware of how well older siblings, peers and even their own parents have previously done in exams in the past. As for the present, there will be talk and comparisons among friends about how much studying has (or hasn’t) been done and how ready individuals feel. And we all know comparison is the thief of joy.

And for some, to move forward in the direction they want to go in life, they are dependent on getting set grades to be able to claim their place on a university or college course or meet the criteria for the job they want. So they will be carrying that pressure - the need to do well.

Aim For a Balanced Approach

“You don’t need to treat the holidays like study leave so long as you don’t treat study leave like the holidays.”

This is the approach I try to take with my daughter. Given that in Scotland, children who are sitting exams will have around a month of study leave, what I want for my daughter is to do a bit of revision in the holidays but to also spend time relaxing and having fun, saving the more intensive study sessions for study leave. This should stand her in good stead for feeling rested and prepared for exam season.

I do harbour some concerns about a lack of balance. The message being received from school is very much that the Easter holidays are for revision and I feel strongly that this is an unhealthy approach. Depriving youngsters of their holidays at the end of a busy school term is only going to lead to resentment and exhaustion.

Having established that while not the life defining test some would have our teenagers believe, exams can be very important so I’m not suggesting that you tell your kids not to bother studying or to let it go if you feel they’re not doing enough. But I’d recommend having a supportive conversation with them rather than berating them.

Create a Suitable Study Environment

The saying that springs to mind here is:

“Cluttered room, cluttered mind”. It can be very difficult for some people to study in a messy, chaotic environment. Having an area in the house that you can dedicate as the study area can be helpful - everything can be left there, set up and ready for the next study session.

Of course we don’t all have a dedicated office space in our homes and often have to utilise already used areas of the house. There is conflicting advice on working in bedrooms. While some say that bedrooms should be a sanctuary for sleep and relaxation, many teens prefer to study in their bedrooms. This is often the place where they feel most comfortable, surrounded by their stuff and with their music playing at whatever volume they desire. Ideally, they would have a desk in their room if they are to spend a substantial amount of time studying. Sitting on a bed bent over their books is not going to do their neck any favours! 

A dining table, if you have one, is another option although advice we picked up during lockdown home learning was to sit in a different seat to the one you sit in at meal times. 

Sometimes being outside the home is the best place for studying. This provides not just a change of scenery but, for some, less distraction. Despite all the comings and goings of a coffee shop, I know I am far less distracted there than at home. A quieter (and free!) alternative to a coffee shop could be a local library or even the garden if weather allows.

Offer But Don't Insist On Helping

This can be tricky! We want the best for our children, we want them to fulfil their potential and realise their ambitions. So it’s understandable that some parents (like me!) are eager to take over - to create a study planner, make the flashcards and help with revision in a beautiful serene environment.

But these exams are not for us to sit, the ambitions are not ours to realise. Once our children are old enough to be sitting exams, I think we have to show them that we respect and accept that they may have a different approach. Our job is to be there to support, to offer help but ultimately I think we have to let the students take the lead in deciding where, when and how they wish to prepare for their exams.

When I was a teacher, there was always debate about external and intrinsic motivation. This is one case where I really believe the motivation has to be intrinsic - they have to want the results enough to work for them. Frustrating as it may be, nagging or shouting is only going to increase stress for both parties. 

Brain Food

While some teens will fiercely resist our involvement, one thing they usually have no objection to is being well fed. Sometimes there’s nothing more comforting than your mum or dad cooking your favourite dinner or knocking on the door to offer brain boosting snacks and drinks while you study. The aim is to keep energy and blood sugar levels steady so fruit, veg, nuts and seeds are ideal snacks. My daughter’s favourites include an apple with peanut butter, grapes and pretzels.. BBC Bitesize article, as well as academic content, contains helpful brain food suggestions and recipes.

What Not To Say (according to the teenagers!)

Sometimes we just can’t say or do the right thing! This is even more likely to be the case if you’re child is feeling stressed or overwhelmed about impending exams. Thanks to my own daughter and her friends, I have some handy tips for things NOT to say to a teenager who is in the midst of revision…

“Get off your phone!”

“I’ve barely seen you study.”

“What have you actually done today?”

“If you don’t study you will fail.”

I’ll be keeping some of these in mind and, I’m sure, biting my tongue at times over the next couple of months! Whether you’re trying to encourage your offspring to study more or begging them to take a break from the books, I wish you and your student a not too stressful exam season! If you have any tips on supporting teenagers to prepare for exams, please share them in the comments below.

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