Living More Gently: Lessons from Miranda Hart’s 'I Haven’t Been Entirely Honest With You'

My life is not gentle enough. I realised this while I was listening to the book I want to tell you about today, 'I Haven’t Been Entirely Honest With You' by Miranda Hart. The last time I wrote a book review was at school so I’m not going to try to do that. But I do want to share with you how this book, one chapter in particular, has actually made a difference to my life. 

'I Haven’t Been Entirely Honest With You' shares Miranda’s experience of finding joy, peace and freedom despite living with chronic illness. By the final page, I had got to know Miranda and I had also learned about myself.

Miranda's Treasures

My friend recommended this book to me having discovered it while dealing with a bereavement. Being a fan of Miranda, I opted to listen to the audio version of the book and devoured it on my dog walks that week, frequently finding myself having to remove my gloves to make notes on my phone. My friend felt that not only did it speak of many of our values, it offered guidance on how to feel better about life in the form of Miranda’s “treasures”:

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Surrender

Feel, Grieve, let the Past Be the Past

Thoughts

Loving Ourselves

Why We Do What We Do

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Pacing and Presence

Don’t Feel the Setback

It’s All About Love in the End

The Carrot Lesson

This audiobook was so good that some days I couldn’t stop listening at the end of my walk, which is why the chapter which had the most impact on me landed in my ears while I was peeling carrots in my kitchen. I’m referring to Treasure Eight: Pacing and Presence. 

Just as James Clear magically talked to me about cookies while I held one in my hand (I’ll tell you about his book, Atomic Habits, another time), somehow Miranda ended up speaking to me about carrots at the moment when I was peeling carrots. Frantically peeling carrots. I never would have guessed that my peeling of carrots would provide such an insightful lesson! It was at this point that I knew I should pay close attention to this book, this chapter in particular, and added the physical book to my Christmas wish list.

Back to the carrots. As I attacked them, in a hurry to get the dinner cooking, Miranda recounted observing her sister “...when she gets in from the school run at the pace of a hurricane and begins furiously chopping carrots…

The Emergency Walk

Miranda goes on to explain that there isn't necessarily an issue with getting tasks done quickly. The problem arises when this becomes our standard way of doing things. 

“When the sense that to get something done, to tick off the to-do list, to get the children to school, to get to work on time, even to complete exercise or leisure time, means bringing out the ‘emergency walk’”.

I was alarmed and actually put the peeler down as it dawned on me that I have been “emergency walking” my way through life for several years now. 

Last year, my friend and I wandered around a pretty Italian town admiring the architecture, perusing interesting little shops, selecting where we fancied going for drinks. It occurred to me as we entered a bakery that in all our years of friendship, this was the first time we had ever wandered or strolled together. We are always speed walking, trying to cover as much ground as we possibly can. Who knows how many sights we’ve missed because we’ve been so focused on moving quickly, always on a mission.

It’s not only my walking speed that can be too fast; my husband regularly suggests to me that I need to slow down (and calm down!) when I’m talking. I often have so much in my head that getting it out feels urgent - even when it’s not. I’m not under threat but Miranda helped me understand that the way I’m conducting myself is sending signals to my brain that I am.

I didn’t want to admit that I may have lost the ability to just enjoy the moment I’m living in, always eager to get onto the next task and ensure constant productivity.  I wonder how many of us are living like this.. It’s not how I want to live and certainly doesn’t fit into the life I’m trying to build. I understand that it’s not good for me. I know I need to find ways to slow down, to live more gently and I’m grateful to Miranda and her book for helping me to realise that. 

Time For Change

Realising this was one thing, but actually slowing down? That’s the real challenge. So here’s how I’m trying to make changes and live more gently…

• Breathing

So far, this year has been testing me and I have enrolled the help of breathing techniques to try to help me slow not just my breathing but my mind. The great thing about breathing exercises is that you can do them anywhere. For me, lying in bed with my thoughts spinning is a reminder to practice breathing mindfully. The other time I find myself concentrating on breathwork is while walking. When I start to feel overwhelmed, I can pause and take some deep breaths. It’s true what the breathing advocates say; I really do feel my jaw and chest loosen and my shoulders drop. I’m slowly but surely getting more adept at realising when I need to stop and just breathe.

• Walking Slowly

 Since it was brought to my attention by Miranda that I am guilty of far too much “emergency walking”, I’ve been making a conscious effort to slow down for a little part of every walk. Walking at speed is obviously better in terms of exercise so I still do this but I’m learning to recognise when my brain is also running at the emergency pace and when this happens on my walks, I purposefully slow my whole body down to try to send the signal to my brain that things are actually OK. I am safe and need to relax.

• Silent Walks

Now, as you know, I am a devout listener of podcasts and tend to use them as therapy, entertainment and education. The problem with them, however, is that my mind is so active while listening to them, working out how I’m going to implement what I’ve just learned or making notes on aspects I want to learn more about. So for the first 15 minutes of my walk, I now keep the earbuds in my pocket. I do think this helps me to be more present and I’ve enjoyed listening to waves and birdsong while allowing myself some mental rest.

• Resting

In addition to mental rest, Miranda also talks of the importance of physical rest. I’ve always been a believer that rest is what I should do only when everything has been done. The flaw in this plan is that it is very rare for everything to actually be done so I never rested. I’m trying to rectify this by taking little breaks during the day but, if I’m honest, this is one of my biggest challenges; I find it hard to relax if I know there are things waiting to be done and because I’m so tired, it’s likely that I’ll fall asleep if I stop. So some days, I do decide that things will have to wait and I allow myself a lovely afternoon nap, something I resisted for many years but now recognise as a means of giving myself both physical and mental rest.

• Prioritising

I previously wrote about prioritising in How To Cope With Sleep Deprivation and I’m finding it a truly helpful strategy to help me to feel like I’ve got less on my plate, less to juggle or tick off a to-do list. It’s not as easy as it sounds though! If you’re someone who is used to striving to achieve ALL the things while keeping an immaculate home, fitting in exercise and meeting the various needs of family, it can be daunting to let some of it go. 

• Solitude

When writing about Rest, Miranda listed several different types of rest including “Social Rest”.  Those of you who have read my recent blogs will be aware that I’ve been exploring being an introvert and spending time alone. I’ve learned that, contrary to my previous feelings on this, I do need solitude at times to rest and recharge. If those moments of solitude can take place on a beach, even better! Even shutting myself in my bedroom for a few minutes of total peace can give that much needed moment of social rest.

Joining a Revolution

I never thought I’d be one to join a revolution but I’ve decided to answer the call to join Miranda’s “gentle revolution of gentleness”. She writes:

“Perhaps if we can create more moments of gentleness within this frantic world, we may help slow it - and ourselves - down to a more natural pace.”

I know that’s exactly what I need to do in my own life. I don’t think the pace I’m trying to keep up is healthy or natural.  If you’re living how I have been, “emergency walking” through life, feeling drained, come and join the revolution of gentleness! What one thing can you change today to help you live more gently?

Read more about this and the other treasures in 'I Haven’t Been Entirely Honest With You' and keep following me to see how I get on with living a more gentle life. To make sure you don’t miss a blog post, you can click the button below to have them emailed to you.

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